In this world, we tend to see our
own being as our rival.
We compete with our own kind to
achieve something that we think is valuable.
We try to surpass each other in
anything. Funny that we try to go up against our own kind that have the same
characteristics like ourselves. Two eyes, two ears, two hands...almost
everything is the same.
We are too consumed by the thought
to be better from one another.
To be the wealthiest. To be the
smartest above all. To be the most beautiful creature. To be incredibly
successful. At one point, we compare ourselves with one another and we forget
the true value that we have all along in each and every one of us.
Getting scared of being left
behind, we do things that are opposite with what we believe in. Just to impress
the society and to satisfy the people around us. So that we belong and accepted by the crowd.
But the thing is, we forget that one
thing. That one thing that is supposed to be our rival. That one thing that we
need to compete with. That one thing that we need to conquer.
That one thing is ourselves.
Our 'nafs'. The major rivalry of all.
I have been struggling against
myself for so long. Until today, I am still struggling against it.
It is the hardest battle I have
been struggling so far.
To exceed the nafs, it is
agonizingly painful. It is the inside pain that is no visible to others.
I want to be a better person.
However, the route leading to it is tough. Before I am what I am today, I
thought that once I have changed, I have passed through the qualifying round as
a good Muslim. But turns out, there are more hurdles that I have to go through
and up until now.
Leaving all the things that I used
to do before is emotionally difficult.
I have to refrain myself from doing
the things I always do.
I have to resist from the things
that I like.
I need to bear the thought of having the
taste of pleasure of this world.
Nafs is venomous as it can destroy you in
a split second.
I feel as if it is like the ring from the Lord of the Rings. The ring possesses whoever that wears it and you can see that even the kindhearted Frodo cannot resist it and almost ruin his friendship with his best friend. Same goes like nafs. If you let it controls you, then your relationship with people around you can be affected as well.
There are many times I stumble because I
cannot control it. I feel disgust with myself for not being able to avoid it.
I regret it and I repent afterwards. However, I wonder every
time I repent whether God forgives me because even I genuinely repent, there
will be times in the future when the nafs takes over me and I am not strong
enough to resist it.
I am weak and vulnerable.
That is why I really need to have a strong determination to try my best to resist any temptations because I want God to love me.
I
want Him to protect me from my nafs so that I can reach the ultimate happiness between me and Him. If my relationship with God is good, so does with the people around me.
What I'm trying to say is everything comes from our own nafs.
Sometimes the reason we cannot achieve want we want is because of we let our nafs gets in our way. Therefore, I will try to improve myself and fight against myself no matter how many times I fall.
Let God judge the rest.
I really hate it when I'm nervous. I will embarrass myself by talking
something that I have no intention to say.
I don't know how to overcome my nervousness and it's a major problem for me.
For example, earlier this morning, I attended my first class for this semester and did not prepare myself mentally. Because of that, I got so nervous when I told the lecturer what I knew about finance. And I unintentionally slipped out of my mouth regarding my Investment grade to him and everyone heard that. It looked like I was boasting about my achievement and all when it was never really my intention to say that.
I don't want people to get the wrong idea about what I'm telling them.
When I'm nervous, I will definitely talk about something that is opposing to my true opinion and nature. I can't think when I'm nervous. It's like there's a strong force that controls and overpowers me so that I can't speak the things that I really want to say.
People will get the wrong idea about me if this continues in the future.
I wish I could turn back time. Ha-ha.
Wake up Insyirah!
Even in a million years, it'll never happen.
Maybe, I just need to try slowly to handle my nervous. Hope I'll manage to get pass through this once and for all.
I don't know how to overcome my nervousness and it's a major problem for me.
For example, earlier this morning, I attended my first class for this semester and did not prepare myself mentally. Because of that, I got so nervous when I told the lecturer what I knew about finance. And I unintentionally slipped out of my mouth regarding my Investment grade to him and everyone heard that. It looked like I was boasting about my achievement and all when it was never really my intention to say that.
I don't want people to get the wrong idea about what I'm telling them.
When I'm nervous, I will definitely talk about something that is opposing to my true opinion and nature. I can't think when I'm nervous. It's like there's a strong force that controls and overpowers me so that I can't speak the things that I really want to say.
People will get the wrong idea about me if this continues in the future.
I wish I could turn back time. Ha-ha.
Wake up Insyirah!
Even in a million years, it'll never happen.
Maybe, I just need to try slowly to handle my nervous. Hope I'll manage to get pass through this once and for all.
The day has finally arrived where the crews and passengers of MH17 have been brought back to Malaysia.
They finally come home.
It is a heart wrenching day for today. The tragedy has touched a lot of souls.
Let us take a moment of silence for them.
We will remember this day and for the rest of our lives.
This tragedy will never be forgotten.
May all of you rest in peace.
They finally come home.
It is a heart wrenching day for today. The tragedy has touched a lot of souls.
Let us take a moment of silence for them.
We will remember this day and for the rest of our lives.
This tragedy will never be forgotten.
May all of you rest in peace.
It's the last day I celebrate Ramadan in Muadzam this year.
Tonight it's so lonely here.
Melancholy has finally taken over everything tonight.
Can someone lend their shoulder? Please :'(
Tonight it's so lonely here.
Melancholy has finally taken over everything tonight.
Can someone lend their shoulder? Please :'(
bila di setiap kejatuhan
kau usap luka di lutut
kau tiup pedih di siku
dan kau terasakan sakit yang paling indah
bila di setiap kejatuhan
kau tau dia sedia menyambut
membawa ubat buat menyembuh
membekal senyum buat rawat kau
bila di setiap kejatuhan
kau berharap kau tak jatuh lagi
tak terbayang akan kau
jatuh lain selepas ini
bila di setiap kejatuhan
kau berdoa
kejatuhan itu yang terakhir
by -N.B.-
kau usap luka di lutut
kau tiup pedih di siku
dan kau terasakan sakit yang paling indah
bila di setiap kejatuhan
kau tau dia sedia menyambut
membawa ubat buat menyembuh
membekal senyum buat rawat kau
bila di setiap kejatuhan
kau berharap kau tak jatuh lagi
tak terbayang akan kau
jatuh lain selepas ini
bila di setiap kejatuhan
kau berdoa
kejatuhan itu yang terakhir
by -N.B.-
"Happiness"
Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?
Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good
Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar
Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?
Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good
Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar
Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
Let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home
-The Fray-
Time is the most valuable thing in the world.
Sometimes people want to change and rewrite their past when it is impossible to do so. That is why time is valuable. You cannot return to the moment that you want. It will pass and keep going until the end of the world.
In order to appreciate our time, we all should live our moments. Enjoy every minute in our life.
The most important thing is, doing good deeds in every step in our life. Appreciate the people around us and we should never hurt their feelings because the time will never come back for us to undo our mistakes. We need to think carefully and thoroughly when we are trying to make a decision.
When you are busy with whatever works you are doing, try to make time for the people you love. It's the effort of trying to make time for them that counts.
Remember Allah in every pace of our walks in this world. When you put Allah above anything that is the time you know that you have appreciated your life.
Sometimes people want to change and rewrite their past when it is impossible to do so. That is why time is valuable. You cannot return to the moment that you want. It will pass and keep going until the end of the world.
In order to appreciate our time, we all should live our moments. Enjoy every minute in our life.
The most important thing is, doing good deeds in every step in our life. Appreciate the people around us and we should never hurt their feelings because the time will never come back for us to undo our mistakes. We need to think carefully and thoroughly when we are trying to make a decision.
When you are busy with whatever works you are doing, try to make time for the people you love. It's the effort of trying to make time for them that counts.
Remember Allah in every pace of our walks in this world. When you put Allah above anything that is the time you know that you have appreciated your life.
I'm not a genius. I'm far from being a smart girl.
Therefore, I need a lot of efforts to get me to where I want to be which is, to be a smart girl.
Genius? I know I can't be one because genius is a gift from Allah swt. Only some people have that special trait. That's what my father used to tell me. When I was young, I asked my father how come I can't be a genius? And he gave me that piece of advice. He also advised me that it doesn't mean that if one is not genius, then one is not smart and clever. A person can be both smart and clever if he or she works hard to achieve it. People like us need to put a lot of effort and then, we will get what we want.
And I still hold on to his words until now. I believe it because it really works for me in a lot of ways.
A person like me only need to have consistent effort to get me through everything in life. It's easy to talk, but it's hard to do it right? But the good thing is, it pays off well.
Efforts don't come alone. They come with dua (supplication) and hope from Allah swt.
I learned that when we put a lot of efforts into something, at the of the day, we will gain something. Sometimes a lesson. Sometimes gratitude. Maybe a gift. Maybe a lot of things, but not failure.
As quoted by Les Brown, 'Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars'. So for me, when you put 100% effort into something, you will not get nothing. You will definitely get something even if you do not get what you aimed for and the best thing is, you will gain something among the best.
That is why hard work never betrays you.
This is what my heart wants to tell you :
' Hey you. Do you want to hear some facts? But you don't have a choice. You have to listen anyway. Sorry. Do you know that you are the reason I'm happy? I've never felt happy like this before. I really hope that this thing between us is real. Because I'm done with disappoinment. I think God has given me a second chance to know a person like you and I don't want to let go of this. You're such a wonderful person. I would like to thank you for everything. It means the world to me to have you being there to make me happy. I don't know for how long you'd be waiting for me. And sometimes I'm scared that I'm going to lose you. But all I'm asking is time. I know I'm too much to ask you for this. One year and half, and I'm all yours buddy. I hope you would still love me at that time. I want to make this work. And I know it will work if only we have faith in believing it. And yes, because I love you. '
One fine day, in N's room :
A : Bla bla bla and bla bla bla *spilling her heart out*
N : Senyap kejap. Dengar dulu apa aku nak cakap. Aku tahu la kau A. Kau kalau dah sayang kau memang bagi hati kau sepenuhnya. Kau faham tak? Kau tak cari masalah tau. Tapi masalah yang cari kau. Dan bila benda tuh dtg, at the end of the day kau yang sakit.
A : Aku tahu. But now, aku dah dapat control. That's why la aku decide nak tunggu dan lihat. Kalau lepas aku grad, dia still tunggu aku, maknanya he's the one.
N : Suka hati kau la. Tapi kalau kau sakit nanti kau jangan menangis kat aku.
A : *smiling*
I'm not good enough afterall.
I've just recovered from Dengue fever. The fever I've never had before. Trust me, I was struggling hard to recover.
My face was all red. My body full with red spots. I had trouble urinating because my private part was dried from dehydration. My body got so cold. I lost my appetite and had trouble finishing up my favourite foods.
I realized that I should really go to the hospital when I spotted red spots on my body after 3 days from the day I had a fever.
I was grateful and lucky because my friends were all kind hearted people. They accompanied me to the hospital and waited me there for hours when I had my blood test. I could never forget that.
Dengue is a MUST fever that should be avoided. It's horrible to me because I couldn't carry out my everyday life routine well.
Can you imagine how hard it was for me when I have to drink lots of water? One bottle after another and again and again and again. 100 plus! I'm not a fan of that drink. Thank god my father bought the lemon
flavour.
I didn't try to drink hard at first. My father noticed that and he got angry. He said that if I'm not helping myself, I'm not going to stay alive any longer. And what's the point of him taking me to hospital if I'm the one who doesn't even bother to help myself to recover.
That got me thinking. I was scared by what he said because my body was not in a good condition at all. Back then I thought that anything can happen to me at any time. Allah is testing me with sickness because I'm always healthy. This is the way of Allah says that He can take my life anytime soon. Anything can happen in a blink of an eye.
I realized I should struggle in order to survive. I should drink lots of water as my platelet kept on decreasing. My mother was worried terribly. I know that cue. When my mother is worried, that means it really is a serious problem.
She cooked me crab soup. I could feel my body warm and starting to get sweat. And yes, my platelet increased! I wanted to dance the moment my blood test result shown that my platelet increase the next following blood test.
I want to remind you that there are no drugs that can help to cure the fever. But here are the things that can help to increase back your platelets:
1. Drink lots of water (I hate this)
2. 100 plus
3. Crab soup
4. Fruit juice
5. Barley
6. Coconut drink
2. 100 plus
3. Crab soup
4. Fruit juice
5. Barley
6. Coconut drink
And here I am. I survive! Alhamdulillah ^_^
Have you ever felt like you're the most imperfect person on this planet? Because I've felt that. In fact, I've been feeling this for so long until now.
The thing is, I don't know how to deal with it.
I always being surrounded by people who have everything. It's kind of makes me feel like I don't fit to be their friend.
I don't have anything to offer them except a sincere heart for friendship and love and that is the ONLY thing I can give them.
Just take a look at me. I'm the most imperfect person. I have too many flaws and I bet people could list all of them the minute they've talked to me or the minute they've seen the things revolved around me.
When I think I have found what I've been looking for my whole life, there will always be a whisper saying ' You're not good enough for it. Stay away '.
So, how should I deal with it?
I love being around you. Thank you for everything. I hope that everything will work out well for us ^_^
I'm starting to need you. And it scares the hell out of me.
Smile
As it can offer you an eternal light of happiness
But I wonder,
Why people choose not to smile?
Why frowning
When a smile can burn the bridge of hatred between two souls
When a smile can paralyze the enemy silently
When a smile can brighten up another soul
When a smile can ignite the sparks of happiness in a person's heart
When a smile can give hope to those who are in needs
'A smile for your brother is charity'
The Prophet said
Even a smile is the simplest act of charity
Smile, as it can calm and soothe you
Smile even your days are rough
Because you might never know
How one smile can inspire the souls around you
-aiz-
7th January 2014
As it can offer you an eternal light of happiness
But I wonder,
Why people choose not to smile?
Why frowning
When a smile can burn the bridge of hatred between two souls
When a smile can paralyze the enemy silently
When a smile can brighten up another soul
When a smile can ignite the sparks of happiness in a person's heart
When a smile can give hope to those who are in needs
'A smile for your brother is charity'
The Prophet said
Even a smile is the simplest act of charity
Smile, as it can calm and soothe you
Smile even your days are rough
Because you might never know
How one smile can inspire the souls around you
-aiz-
7th January 2014
Happy new year to all the human being across the universe! *being dramatic! * . I am officially 21 years old!
I'm a year older than before, but hey, deep inside, I'm still ridiculously young.
Well, let's just use the term 'mature' for the sake of not making me feel insecure with my age. Hahaha
I had a lot fun for my birthday this year. I love my 21st birthday because I got to hang out with my awesome plus wonderful friends!
During the whole day of 1st January, I was wondering what my resolution for 2014 would be.
I have been thinking it a lot until I come to a conclusion that I should just go with the flow.
I just want to enjoy my life to the fullest with my beloved family and friends. That's all I need.
It's the only thing that keeps me going.
It's the only thing that keeps me going.
I want to create a lot more memories so that when I'm old, I'm going to have so many things to reminisce about.
