Takut tapi mahu
Tapi ketakutan maha besar daripada kemahuan
Hati tak rela kena lanyak lagi

Orang cakap cuba
Cakap memang senang
Bukan aku tak mampu
Terlebih mampu aku boleh hulurkan
Tapi bila setiap kali bagi orang pijak

Apa cerita?
Itu pasal takut tapi mahu

-aiz-
18 Disember 2013

If only I could turn back time I would do it in a heartbeat
But that would not happen
I have to confront the reality
I have to muster up my courage
Resisting this feeling is the best alternative I could get on with
I have to go against this weird feeling of mine

It's hard.
I admit that it is difficult to go against myself
At least, I try.

I wish I could disappear and re-appear into another world
Another world which is filled with happiness
Another world, where I belong.

Disappear. Disappear. Disappear.
If only I could.

-aiz-
12/12/13

'Some people come into our lives and then leave very quickly. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.'

A year and a half and still counting. Sounds not right, till infinity la haha

'Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?'

-Stephen Chbosky-

 

Where am I going to be another 10 years from now? What will I become in the future? Who am I going to end up with? And blah blah blah.. too many questions have kept playing in my mind these past few days. Am I afraid of the future? Of course I AM AFRAID OF MY FUTURE! Even though I know that I should just keep on living with my life, I can't stop thinking about it. Career, love, family, achievements and all are the things that matter to me.

My future is blurry. I can't even see any sign of where I'm going to stand after 10 years. Financial analyst maybe? Huh I don't know. Anything can happen within 10 years. It has been proven. My path of life has proven it.

Love. As for the matter of heart, let's just say it's filled with too much hesitation. Tired of everything. I can't see the possible things that will happen to me in the future as it is too vague. Disappointed about this whole thing until I can't say or express something about it.

It's too disturbing. Help me!

 '' Zindagi mein kuch banna ho, Kuch hasil karna ho, Kuch jeetna ho, To hamesha apne dil ki suno, Aur ager dil se bhi koi jawaab na aaye ... To apni aankhein band karke apni Maa aur Baba ka naam lo ... Phir dekhna tum her manzil paa sakoge, Her mushkil aasan ho jayegi, Jeet tumhari hogi ..... Sirf tumhari'' 


'' In life if you want to become something, achieve something, win something, then listen to your heart, and if you don't get an answer from your heart...then close your eyes and think of your Mom and Dad...then watch, you will reach every destination, every difficulty will become easy, the victory will be yours..... only yours.''

-Rahul (KKKG)-


I am always inspired by this dialogue by the character, Rahul in the Bollywood movie, Kabhie Khushi Khabie Gham. Halamak..jiwang seyh! Haha but truth is, this movie is all about family. It's not  romance that I'm crying for every time I watch this movie, but how it centers and portrays how the love and blessings from your parents are the reasons of every success and thing that you do. Setiap kali tengok je menangis. Setiap kali tengok menangis. Acano?

I need to prepare a box of tissues every time I want to watch this movie. Especially the part when Shah Rukh Khan with Jaya Bachan accidentally reunited with each other at the shopping mall. And then there is this part when Shah Rukh apologizes to Amitabh Bachan tapi dengan keegoan yang sangat tinggi langsung taknak pandang anak dia. Hah kan aku dah cerita scene dye.

Whenever there's a movie revolves around family, don't ask me to join you because I'm going to break into tears and you are going to be the one who will pass the tissue to me every 60seconds haha. Adios!

Look what I have found! Some of my Capricorn traits on Twitter which mostly are true HAHA.
Nah ini diaaaa :


#CAPRICORN can see through anyone. Its a natural talent they are given that allows them to read exactly who you are upon meeting.
The #Capricorn is a stable lover who will love you long time. You can grow old with these goats.
#Capricorn are generous & protective. They're prepared to sacrifice their own interests to keep their beloved happy.
#Capricorn's will not allow anyone to get in the way of our ambition.
A person who does not look into the essence of a #Capricorn will be inclined to think that we are cold & has no feelings.
#Capricorn's turn very aggressive when challenged but otherwise we try our best to avoid confrontations.
#Capricorn's have learned from an early age that nothing in life comes easy but will take hard work and dedication.
♥ #Capricorn place high value on being loved & cared for unconditionally ♑ ♥
#Capricorn don't rush things. They know anything worth having is worth waiting for.
#Capricorn hear a song they like that they haven't heard in years but they will still know every word.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I'm #Capricorn. We never forget. Anything. Ever.
♥ #Capricorn attracted to those who have great smiles, confidence & good manners ♑ ♥
#Capricorn make long-term friends. They dont do shallow.
#Capricorn's would rather have one loyal friend rather than many fake, flaky, unreliable people in our lives.
When a #Capricorn falls in love and commits, they go all the way. They wont jeopardize the union.
#Capricorn are great at distancing themselves from people, so be careful how you treat them.
Losing grip or control is a #Capricorn's worse fear.
#Capricorn is hard and serious because inside they are soft and squishy.
#Capricorn's can be extremely stubborn to the point when we think we are right about something there is simply no compromising.
A female #Capricorn will not be controlled or ran over!
Showing emotions to just any body isn't easy for a #Capricorn and we do not trust easily.
Romantically, #Capricorn desire a permanent relationship with someone who gives them the affection they crave.
#Capricorn will think things over 100+ times before being comfortable with it but even then we still doubt it.

I wonder what it feels like to face the sakaratul maut.. I am pretty sure that it is going to suffer with pain that I have never felt before. Whenever I think about it, it gives me chills to the bones.

When the soul leaves human body, the body will hurt just like the onion that is being peeled. That's what I learnt from the kursus pengurusan jenazah that I attended before.

Then, there will be a satan which will influence me by disguising itself and appear to be people that I love. It will try to diverge my iman. I wonder if I will be able to survive during that time of my last breath?  Only good deeds will help me at that time.

May Allah ease everything during my sakaratulmaut..May Allah protects me.

What would you do if you talk with someone using a pleasant tone and also with the most sincere smile that you have, and all you get is scolding and cynical remarks being thrown at you? Yes, that was what I and most of my friends have encountered here. I don't have any intention to specify the place that I am referring to but I only want to voice out my opinions and thoughts here. This is my only place to voice out my thoughts. Not for the purpose of degrading someone or something.


 Erm ehem ehem.. Ainnur Insyirah oiii.  Your tone is wayyyy too serious. Semacam apa hal? Ha ha whatever it is, let's get back to my main reason for this post. Talk about service here...mannn it's too upsetting yo! Not only here, but most of the places I've been to in Malaysia. How can they hire people who cannot do the job of greeting customers or clients graciously? What is the purpose of having them when the things that they only know are scolding people, condemning the works that have been given to them and wo kalau aku cakap memang tak habis. Hehe marah nih marah nih. Nampak tak ketidakpuasan hati dia? Actually, I'm not angry but I am disappointed with our citizens.


Malaysians a friendly lot? Yes, people said that we, Malaysians are friendly. Is it true? Because I don't think so. With foreigners, yeah they might be good but depends on skin colour too. It's true. They somehow treat the white people with warmhearted manner but with the blacks, they are a little bit off. Maybe we, Malaysians are the ones who give our own title of being friendly. From my point of view, I only see that people are being rude to each other. Less courtesy day by day. Talk about senior citizens. Some of them do not know how the system nowadays works in public places like bank for example. So what's the harm it will do to you if you guide them nicely? Tak susah kan cakap baik-baik. Mereka golongan yang lebih tua daripada kita.


Make a choice. You want to be friendly or friendless?  Your action today is the reason of your fortune or misfortune for tomorrow. Your co-workers will hate you with that kind of attitude. And without you even realize it, they will slowly avoiding you and later on, you're going to be friendless. It doesn't feel good  being alone. I know that kind of feeling. Therefore, why don't we change ourselves together-gether hehe? Kita jadi macam orang Jepun yang tahap courtesy dorang sangat la baik terutama bila berniaga. Peace yo!

Haha we're doing the expressionless faces. Muka I tak jadi langsung!

Happy faces! I'm still not doing it right!

Have I mentioned  that we love camera??

Love them! Kalau la yang lain ada juga mesti lagi happening ='(

In the beginning of the new year (2013) which is also my birthday, I didn't set my resolution because I did not have any ideas for the resolutions. When people asked me what my resolutions would be, I just answered that to improve myself to be a better person. I simply said that because it is a standard resolution for most of the people. Well, most of the people can say that but usually they can't achieve it. Just like me. However, there's something happened today that made me want to set new resolutions and I really do hope that I can succeed in doing it. So my new resolutions would be :

'Result? Result? RESULT?? Seriously today? Am I dreaming or what? Woah it's too damn fast man!' That was what I thought  in couple of hours before I checked my result today. I can't believe that I've already got my result. This means that my semester one has finally over. For me, until the result is out, then the semester is over. Haha. Time really flies. Talk about my result. Alhamdulillah. All praises be to Allah. This is only the beginning. I'm hoping that I can maintain my result in the next five semester. InsyaAllah. =D

Hello world! Today, I've made up my mind to face the world once again. My world crumbled before and to think it again it was the worst moment in my life. It's like I'm not myself anymore. I've let myself drowning in the dark for so long. I lost my courage to fight things that have brought me down. I forgot that Almighty Allah was always there to guide me. I got too carried away that I did not even ask Him for guidance. Nevertheless, He showed me the way. He guided and diverged me back to the path that I supposed to lead. Along the journey of fixing myself up, I've met a lot of remarkable people who have incredibly changed my life. With them , I feel alive. It's like the whole world change back to where I left off. I gain back my happiness. Once again, thanks to Allah. It's because of Him I'm learning to breathe again. Breathe and living up my own dreams. I won't let this opportunity go to waste. Here is my new blog ( public )! =D