Emotion has a very powerful influence on me.

These days I've been having this conflict with myself. I've been keeping it inside of me since last year and I just can't let it out.

It's painful and up until one point I can't stand it any longer, I cry.

I don't know who to turn to. It's not that I don't have any friends to talk to. But, they also have a hectic life.

I only tell God about my problem. Every time I'm hurt I ask Him to lessen this build up feelings inside of me.

I'm weak inside right now and emotionally unstable. But I hide it so well that no one notices it.

Guess I've succeeded that part.

I wonder what it would be like to have a heart that can turn off emotion easily. Or a heart that is numb where any situations won't affect how it feels.

I read this guide on how to be emotionless. Everything fits perfectly with my situation.

You see, when a situation hurts me, it will affect my life so badly. I can't think clearly, my judgement will be impaired and I'll be blaming myself.

Therefore, I am choosing to be emotionless.

I'm aiming for that.